walk and talk

May 19, 2009 at 3:59 am (Uncategorized)

Today I went on a 4 mile walk with my friend Nicole.  We have so much in common it’s ridiculous.  Being outside and getting exercise and just talking were great.  It’s nice to have a friend who knows exactly how you feel, or be able to tell a friend that you know exactly how they feel.  It’s comforting. 

Here are some quotes that I found interesting:


The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands.

Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.

    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteThe relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it’s not without doubt but in spite of doubt.

 Dr. Rollo May quotes

    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteWhatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.

 Deepak Chopra

The TRUTH: It may not lead you to where you thought you were going, but it will always lead you somewhere better. When ignored, it will eventually show itself. The closeness of your relationships is directly proportional to the degree to which you have revealed the truth about yourself. It can be painful.

Having someone wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night is a very old human need.  ~Margaret Mead

    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteDo you not know that there comes a midnight hour when every one has to throw off his mask? Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked? Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it? I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others that at last their true nature could not reveal itself;… In every man there is something which to a certain degree prevents him from becoming perfectly transparent to himself; and this may be the case in so high a degree, he may be so inexplicably woven into relationships of life which extend far beyond himself that he almost cannot reveal himself. But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love, and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all.

 Soren Kierkegaard quotes


Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.  ~Marcel Proust


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Thoughts on the eve of walk day/mother’s day

May 10, 2009 at 3:34 am (Uncategorized)

Tomorrow I’m doing the Network of Strength Breast Cancer walk downtown.  In my thoughts are my grandmother, and my auntie Carolyn.  My aunt was diagnosed early and the prognosis is good.  My grandmother beat breast cancer after a masectomy (sp?)  but unfortunately passed away last year due to other complications…which leads me to my next topic.

While breast cancer walks and fundraisers are a great thing, this event has made me think of my grandmother quite a bit and I have been focusing on another disease:  addiction.  I have never heard of an addiction fundraiser or a gala to raise money for alcoholics, but this cause has impacted my life greatly and is really important to me.  I am really interested in the causes and effects of addiction, although i have learned first hand all too well.  It has been hard for me to separate people from their disease.  It has been, and still is, a grey area in my mind.  I can’t even tell you how my whole family has been influenced by addiction and what it has done.  It is easy to blame the addicts and say, oh they are just messed up bad people.  But, they aren’t.  I mean, without the alcohol they are good people.  And there is a chemical imbalance in their brain that causes them to become addicted to alcohol or other substances.  However, most – 9/10 to be exact, relapse from a rehab program.  It is so important for me (and others) to remember that it IS a disease.  The DISEASE causes these people to act out in bad ways.  My grandma survived everything life threw at her…and that was a LOT, but ultimately this disease accompanied with an already badly damaged liver from Hep C beat her.  She beat breast cancer, Hep C, Diabetes, 3 marriages, 4 kids, refugee camp in WWII, both siblings dying at an early age, and countless other trials that I don’t even know about.  But she just couldn’t stop drinking.

It’s really a double edged sword when i think about her – she caused my family so much drama and anger and pain, yet she was such a wonderful woman at the same time. I miss her a lot, she as a wonderful maternal figure to me.

I think that sometimes it’s ok to cry when you’re sad – I always try not to because I feel like I’m just gonna totally lose control if I let myself.  But I miss her, and I have wonderful memories and am so thankful that she was one of the “moms” in my life.

Speaking of Mother’s day…I think maybe I am one of the only people in the world that hates this holiday.  It’s so effing complicated for me.  I don’t really like my step mom at all but if I don’t get her a gift or a nice card that says “Happy Mother’s Day” on it, then it will be baaaaaaad.  I don’t consider her to be my mother at all.  And I don’t really like her as a person.  It’s not all bad anymore now that I am older, but she annoys the hell out of me. She treats her animals like children.  I’m not even going into my dissertation on why I can’t stand her, but i definitely don’t consider her my mother.  I don’t have a mom and it feels really weird pretending I do.  I just feel totally out of place like, a jew at a Christmas party.

I should stop my ranting – I have to go to bed now to make sure I get enough sleep so I can get up at the ass-crack of dawn to walk for healthy boobs.

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May 7, 2009 at 5:26 am (Uncategorized)

Sometimes it takes years to really grasp what has happened to your life.

Wilma Rudolph

Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

Serbian proverb

Life is always walking up to us and saying, “Come on in, the living’s fine,” and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.

Russell Baker

You are made strong not by winning easy battles, but by competing in hard fought ones.


I know God won’t give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much sometimes.

Mother Teresa

When you come right down to it all you have is yourself. The sun is a thousand rays in your belly. All the rest is nothing. – picasso

“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.”

Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.

Some tension is necessary for the soul to grow, and we can put that tension to good use. We can look for every opportunity to give and receive love, to appreciate nature, to heal our wounds and the wounds of others, to forgive, and to serve.

Go forth and set the world on fire.” -St. Ignatius Loyola

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