Oh the horror

May 10, 2010 at 3:16 am (Uncategorized)

I can’t even put into words how I’m feeling right now.  Betrayed, hurt….lied to, shock.  That was yesterday as a result of a really complicated hurtful situation that I was the center of.  Today I feel all of those things plus fear and a heavy heart as my Oma has been diagnosed with Leukemia.  This has really been a couple of the hardest days of my life.  I can’t even begin to express in words how I feel.  I don’t think my heart or brain can handle everything right now.  I will talk about the mortality aspect later…right now I have to figure out how to function for 12 hours tomorrow taking care of crying babies.  I’m a sensitive emotional person and I think i really just need to time to process all of this.

This little bridesmaid episode will definitely make it into my book.

“It’s just when you want… no when you need people to be there for you They’re not.. they’re like a million miles away And when you think someone is totally reliable and trustworthy and you’ve built your whole life around them and then it turns out they were never that person.”

”I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel”

“It is such a secret place, the land of tears.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

”Last night I learned if things get bad, they’ll always get worse.”

“It’s so much easier to run than face all this pain here all alone.”

“Tonight I’ll stand in the light so you can count how many tears fall from my eyes… This time I’ll be alright, my heart can’t get any worse” -The Starting Line

“Love me when I least deserve it, because thats when I need it the most…”

“It always seems just as soon as things are going good..just as soon as life takes a turn for the best…everything goes wrong…gets lost, confused and all messed up… and then you crash… and just have to sit there, cause you dont have the strength to get up”

“theres nothing left of me to be hurt anymore, i’ve been torn apart..”

“Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.”

“And it’s me who is my enemy, me who beats me up, me who makes the monsters, me who strips my confidence, and it’s me who is to weak, and it’s me who is too shy to ask for the thing I love.”


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