Much needed rest

August 24, 2010 at 12:59 pm (Uncategorized)

Taking a mental/physical health day. Enjoying being in bed. Miss d wasn’t mean when I called so that’s a first. I hope I sleep all day.

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the never ending saga of sick

August 12, 2010 at 1:47 am (Uncategorized)

oh my god. I need to vent about my life right now.  I have seriously been sick for the past 2 months with some ailment or another. I have been going through a lot of changes and started a new job and am now realizing just how much stress has interfered with my life.  2 different doctors confirmed the shingles was caused by stress, which didn’t surprise me.  My immune system is pretty much non-existant at this point.  I have heard that stress can do a lot of bad things to your health but I have been stressed before and never gotten sick so I just assumed I wasn’t stressed enough.  I guess now I have hit the quota.  My job… ugh, I don’t like it.  I just don’t enjoy it.  I think it’s a combination of being exhausted all the time (from being sick), and then being exhausted from chasing toddlers around all the time that makes me feel like every day is a major struggle to get out of bed.  To be honest, at this point I am really not interested in teaching anymore.  I can’t believe I just said that.  That was a secret.  Until now.

What I would absolutely LOVE is to just have a break and regain my health and my sanity.  I would like to go into a job actually looking forward to SOMETHING, even if it’s just seeing my co-workers.  I have been looking into proofreading/editing as a part time job.  If I like it, and I’m good at it, i can make it a full time thing.  I know I’m way ahead of myself here, but it would be soooo nice to make my own hours and work from home.  Or even travel if I want.  I’m not saying I don’t want to ever teach again, just saying at this moment in time i am completely exhausted and want to collapse.  I don’t even recognize myself anymore.  I have no life.  I get up in the morning because I know I can go to bed when I get home.

Anyway, that was a long complaining post, but I really needed to get it out.

There is some bitch having a loud ass yelling match on her phone outside.  Love living right on Montrose.  But, I do really like this apartment 🙂

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shingles

July 26, 2010 at 3:24 am (Uncategorized) (, )

Earlier this week, I discovered some bumps on my back.  At first I thought it was a breakout, and then the next day the area was completely filled with little bumps.  I bought some Aveeno and slathered it on, thinking that would take care of it.  I was curious, though.  What were these little bumps?  As I looked closely in the mirror, they weren’t normal little rash bumps, they were tiny blisters.  What the hell.  I googled my heart out trying to figure this out.  I looked at dozens of google images of various skin conditions.  Hmmmm.  On Saturday, I took a closer look at the shingles page and looked at the images.  Those pictures were the closest looking to my rash that I had found.  I also started having weird neck pain that started going down my arm.  I decided I had to see a doctor, if for nothing else than to solve this mystery.  I went to the urgent care on Peterson and pretty much instantly, the doctor said it was Shingles.  I thought to myself – yeah I knew that, thanks to my super research skills.  So now I am on some kind of anti virus medication similar to Valtrex, though i do NOT have herpes!

This would explain having a cold, the flu and awful headaches this past month.  Now that I have an actual valid excuse to miss work, I don’t want to.  I need the money!  I don’t want to tell them that I am contagious with some god foresaken rash.  How embarassing.  Although, I would feel really bad if the kids got chicken pox.  But, on the bright side, it would be nice having just a few kids in my class.

So, here I come, week.  Shingles, packing, moving, work.  Everything always happens at once.

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a tidbit of wisdom

June 17, 2010 at 2:53 am (Uncategorized)

I came across this and it made me cry because it was so beautiful.

There is a legend about a bird which sings just once in its life, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. From the moment it leaves the nest it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it has found one.

Then, singing among the savage branches, it impales itself upon the longest, sharpest spine. And, dying, it rises above its own agony to out-carol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative song, existence the price. But the whole world stills to listen, and God in His heaven smiles. For the best is only bought at the price of great pain… or so says the legend…
From The ThornBirds
by Colleen Mccullough

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Password

May 26, 2010 at 10:58 pm (Uncategorized)

Some new entries will be password protected.  If you are interested in reading my blog, just send me a message and I’ll be happy to send you a password.

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Protected: Note to myself

May 26, 2010 at 10:54 pm (Uncategorized)

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

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May 12, 2010 at 4:15 am (Uncategorized)

Why can’t the world just SHUT THE FUCK UP?!?!?!?!?!

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May 11, 2010 at 12:51 am (Uncategorized)

Maybe if I share the path I walk then a little more of your pain will vanish. I want you to heal, whoever you are. I don’t care what pain you’ve brought the world, I just want yours to subside. No matter what, your path is yours. Dont follow misery or worry. Devote every moment of your life to improving your dreams. Love your world. Cherish the good you do. Let go of hatred. Dream of love.

Pain is such an uncomfortable feeling that even a tiny amount of it is enough to ruin every enjoyment. Will Rogers

But what is the good of friendship if one cannot say exactly what one means? Anybody can say charming things and try to please and to flatter, but a true friend always says unpleasant things, and does not mind giving pain. Indeed, if he is a really true friend he prefers it, for he knows that then he is doing good. Oscar Wilde

There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.

It is a curious sensation: the sort of pain that goes mercifully beyond our powers of feeling. When your heart is broken, your boats are burned: nothing matters any more. It is the end of happiness and the beginning of peace.

Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you trust.

Courage is not limited to the battlefield or the Indianapolis 500 or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody’s looking, like enduring pain when the room is empty, like standing alone when you’re misunderstood.

Charles Swindoll quotes

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So True

May 10, 2010 at 9:21 pm (Uncategorized)

It’s no good trying to keep up old friendships. It’s painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it.

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much

The pain of the mind is worse than the pain of the body Publilius Syrus

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Oh the horror

May 10, 2010 at 3:16 am (Uncategorized)

I can’t even put into words how I’m feeling right now.  Betrayed, hurt….lied to, shock.  That was yesterday as a result of a really complicated hurtful situation that I was the center of.  Today I feel all of those things plus fear and a heavy heart as my Oma has been diagnosed with Leukemia.  This has really been a couple of the hardest days of my life.  I can’t even begin to express in words how I feel.  I don’t think my heart or brain can handle everything right now.  I will talk about the mortality aspect later…right now I have to figure out how to function for 12 hours tomorrow taking care of crying babies.  I’m a sensitive emotional person and I think i really just need to time to process all of this.

This little bridesmaid episode will definitely make it into my book.

“It’s just when you want… no when you need people to be there for you They’re not.. they’re like a million miles away And when you think someone is totally reliable and trustworthy and you’ve built your whole life around them and then it turns out they were never that person.”

”I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel”

“It is such a secret place, the land of tears.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

”Last night I learned if things get bad, they’ll always get worse.”

“It’s so much easier to run than face all this pain here all alone.”

“Tonight I’ll stand in the light so you can count how many tears fall from my eyes… This time I’ll be alright, my heart can’t get any worse” -The Starting Line

“Love me when I least deserve it, because thats when I need it the most…”

“It always seems just as soon as things are going good..just as soon as life takes a turn for the best…everything goes wrong…gets lost, confused and all messed up… and then you crash… and just have to sit there, cause you dont have the strength to get up”

“theres nothing left of me to be hurt anymore, i’ve been torn apart..”

“Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.”

“And it’s me who is my enemy, me who beats me up, me who makes the monsters, me who strips my confidence, and it’s me who is to weak, and it’s me who is too shy to ask for the thing I love.”

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